for you i would start running
tie up my laces and just go
i would run and run and run
until the best version of me is the only one that you'll ever get to know
i say "you" on purpose
because for me that won't ever be true
i've lived through every version
but not all will live with you
not all will be obvious
some i've hidden away
some i taught to be quiet
because i didn't quite like what they had to say
so some only write
some still hate to read
some look at me
like i hold back some answer they need
maybe i do
but not out of hate
it's because i don't wanna see them settle
because they're afraid of being too late
afraid of love leaving
love may decide to leave
afraid of love staying
love will become whatever you believe
some versions of me are hidden
stuffed away in an old drawer
i couldn't bring myself to get rid of them
when i wasn't like them anymore
for you i would open the drawer
no matter how painful it may be
because i want you to love and admire
every version that has ever existed of me
for you i would love them harder
i would keep them safe and unharmed
i would open the drawer slowly
so as to not cause them to be alarmed
i would speak to them softly
i would allow them to finally speak
i would unlearn every opinion
that made me think that they were weak
because for you i would stop running
i would learn to love the worst that i've been
for you i would step back
and let some "lesser" version of me get to win
the unlovable
the annoying
the too much way too soon
the "met people in the morning and of course scared them away by the afternoon"
the stupid
the imposter that doesn't deserve to be
the wishes her heart away for some future version (that's me)
the dramatic
the confusing
the always thinks she's second best
the one who shakes from her anxiety who works until she's forced to rest
for you i would start walking
every version of me in hand
then i would have to sit down
because some versions i still can't stand
CELIA
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